W hen children refuse to try something unfamiliar, we often push them to participate. But that pushing makes most of them even more withdrawn or resistant.

Give children time to become comfortable--if they react hesitantly or fearfully to new situations.

Example: If he/she signs up for karate but wants to quit after the first class, suggest he go once more as an observer.

Tell your children that their participation has to be partly their decision. By giving children a choice in the matter, you support their autonomy and help them to feel that they have some control. It will also give them a little more confidence about venturing into uncharted waters in the future.

Criticizing children's character traits undermines self-confidence and does little to encourage them to try new things, take reasonable risks and be more outgoing.

Don't label your child shy. When a child repeatedly hears his parents say about him, "He's so shy" or "He's the shy one in the family," his hesitancy about trying new things is only reinforced.

Instead, try a more supportive statement, such as, "It's OK to take a little extra time to get used to new things." This shows anxious children that you understand and accept their feelings.

Practice being outgoing at home. Children who are naturally bashful can be taught certain skills to become more at ease. Let your child know in advance exactly what to expect in certain settings. Role-playing is also very effective.

Example: Teach your shy child how to answer the telephone in a clear voice and to take messages. This skill-building requires time and repetition, but it can build a child's confidence without his having to look a stranger in the eye.